first time for everything

being with el holds a lot of firsts for me. it truly is refreshing, and always a delightful surprise when i point it out (in my head, at least).

this sunday, el and i were finally able to sleep in til almost lunch before we got up to do a few errands (not necessarily a first, which is sad. have we become old farts?:-p haha). on the way back though, he had wanted to warm up a bit to get ready for his game at 7, so i took him to this outdoor basketball court on brinkerhoff, and decided to play as well (yes, i played, haha).

now i wouldn't say i'm the sporty type. in fact, i was never really into playing sports. i was always the cheerleader. so i guess by default, i AM into sports. haha.. i bet if my dad had just pushed me more, i probably would've been good. i think i'm competitive enough. but i digress.

so far, el and i have done a few activities that involve sports -- basketball, bowling (yeah, it's been accepted, beer belly and all), golf, pool, football (shot around a football at the espn zone in ny. that counts, right?), etc. i'm sure a lot of you are going, "huwat? pat and sports? doesn't really make a whole lot of sense." haha). don't worry, i pretty much sucked. but for someone who's never done sports, mainly for fear of making a fool of myself, i think i've done a pretty good job of trying new things.

that's one of the firsts i was talking about. i realize that, with el, i've learned not to take myself too seriously. i don't worry so much about looking stupid or making mistakes around him. and in the same breath, my competitive side isn't silenced either**. i know i have more to offer, and el somehow makes me feel like i don't need to be scared of what i might find if i tried hard enough to get there. for once, i'm not holding back.=)










**i don't mean to say that my competitive side was forced into silence. although i think i had always been in denial about that. i kept telling myself that i had always done everything i could to be the best that i could be, when really, i always barely scratched the surface on purpose for fear of finding out that i might love something more than what i already thought i loved. so the truth is, i put myself in that situation. i had always been holding back, for fear that if i moved too far along, i would end up losing sight of the real me (even though i didn't really know who "the real me" supposedly was). you know what they say about power and its hold on people. i guess that's also part of why i came home the last time. but now i realize, there's really nothing to be afraid of. i don't really have anything to lose. so i've pretty much been diving in head on. and it's been awesome. =)