back to basics

so it's been a while since i actually put something up. more correctly, it's been a while since i had an original thought. i think tumblr does that to you. haha.. not that it's a bad thing. but it kind of takes a lil bit away from my own ideas.

lately, i've been a bit voyeuristic, looking in on other people's thoughts. i read other people's blogs and i realize, my life isn't as exciting as those of whom i follow. BUT i'm okay with it. in fact, i LIKE it.

i'd like to think we're all striving to suck the marrow out of life. and despite always feeling like we wish we had someone else's life, i've come to realize that in some other part of this world, someone else is wishing they had ours as well. i know that i'm not fortunate enough to be traveling around like i had hoped, or working in a prestigious publishing company, or living in some posh high-rise in new york. but I AM HERE--where new york is just a hop, skip and a jump away, where everything is accessible, where i get to work in an organization that allows me to live vicariously through other people's stories of home, where my roots are slowly starting to take hold, and where i hope to live what's left of my years. this probably sounds similar to earlier entries. but i guess i just had to keep reminding myself. as much as i'm starting to like taking it slow in what's supposedly one of the busiest cities of the world, the silence still gets to me once in a while, as i'm sure it does the same way to everyone else.

left to right: me, mica, kristine

a few days ago, i had a go on the nostalgia bus. dinner with friends from high school certainly was a refreshing few hours. we raved about high school memories, and gasped and aww'd at stories of where everyone else is in their lives--who's married, who's got kids, who's posed nude (or at least, half naked), who's successful, who's won some, and who's lost some. i guess part of why i wrote this entry is because of that particular moment. kristine is a flight attendant for uae airlines, and mica is a modern dancer for a new york company headed by carolyn dorfman. they both seem to be doing what they both love to do. and it's gotten me thinking about where i am today, as well as where i SHOULD be. and i realize, i need to go back to the basics--writing. i remember being good at it once. and i might have lost it, or ran into writers' block, but i figured, i'd give it a shot again. it wouldn't hurt.

that being said, let me get into the past couple of weekends.

spring is finally waking up. the days are getting longer, and on more days during the week, it's actually warmer. needless to say, the camera's been getting a lot of action lately.

photo by ellis

on the weekend of myrtle's first birthday, el and i drove around west new york, parked the car, and took a few photos. i decided to take out my fm-10, though el's teased me one too many times about never seeing the photos because i'm never having them developed. but since i've finally signed up for zipcar, i'm thinking it's time i drove myself to a photo lab. but i digress. el took a shot of myrtle's miles on the 5th of april. and she was almost at 20,000 miles. pretty crazy for myrtle's first year.

photo by ellis

as for easter weekend, everybody else in my family had their own easter activities going on, so i thought it'd be nice to spend easter sunday with el's family, see how they do it. besides, it's one of two days out of the whole year that el actually doesn't complain about going to church. after church and lunch with his family, we went to the philadelphia airport and did the most exhilirating, yet equally relaxing activities (if that's even possible) we've done in a while--we played chicken with jumbo jets, and reveled at how magestic they looked as they passed us overhead. it was incredible! i suddenly remembered my friend jel, who over 5 years ago used to sit with her boyfriend at the time on the hood of his car just watching planes for naia fly over them, and i finally felt how she felt. it was addicting.

photo by ellis

in between watching planes fly by, el and i got a few photos in. there's something oddly uplifting about seeing how someone else sees you. at first, it feels like you don't deserve the frames. you know he can always find someone easier to work with, someone who has the face for it, and definitely someone who has the body and the moves for it. but the more photos he takes, the more comfortable i get. and out of a hundred or so shots, there's actually a couple in there that i find profile-pic-worthy. and as cliche as this sounds, it really makes my heart swell with giddiness whenever i have a new photo up. it's not so much because i'm vain like that (although there's a huge part of it somewhere in that reasoning). it's more because i see how el sees me. and i see that what he sees is surprisingly good after all. and it feels great, knowing this person likes this 'you' that you sometimes don't even remember existed. and the fact that he can bring it out is a little scary at times but in the end, you know you've got something really good. and i'm reminded of how lucky i am to have someone who knows my ticks from my tocks, who appreciates them, and isn't afraid to let me know when my springs go haywire.

at the same time, it feels a bit unfair. i've got this great guy who knows how to make my heart melt, yet i'm not exactly sure i'm doing a great job of making him feel the same way he does me. i know i can be a bit difficult to handle. i'm not always the most practical person. a lot of times i think with my heart and succumb to the careless whims, while i think with my head on the simplest things and the most basic tasks. needless to say, i can be pretty frustrating at times. and it may just be the cause of a few disputes, when we could've spent the time just enjoying time.

in any case, i still try. i try to be a little more mindful of what's going on around me, and i try to think things through before just diving in. hopefully it's enough.

this weekend, we took it pretty easy. in fact, we were in bed before midnight on friday, saturday AND sunday. the only thing we had going was the 5k run that el signed up for. he'd been training for it, and was hoping he'd run under 30 minutes for the actual event. three weeks ago, i thought i'd join it as well, but due to hurting calves and an oncoming cold, this lazy ass was happy to just be cheering on the sideline.

i finally got to take a few photos of my own. and it was a pretty good opportunity. the atmosphere was sparked with hope and enthusiasm. the crowd was immense. and everybody seemed to know everybody. they probably didn't, but it just felt like it. it reminded me of family days back in high school.

ellis made pretty good time. he clocked in at 29:12; 28-something if you shave off the time that it took him to actually cross the starting line from the back of the crowd. i couldn't be happier for him.

now that i think back at the past few weeks, i wonder why ellis was so worried. he had asked me a few times whether or not i'm happy where i am. he says he's concerned that with all the talk about missing home and hating work, i might be better off somewhere else--back home maybe or flying off to do some mission work in more exotic parts of the world. but i AM happy where i am. i don't necessarily like my job, but it's keeping me here where my life has become so much more interesting.

well, interesting enough in my books. but i'm biased. =P in any case, i'm happy. despite missing home and having a shitty job, i'm getting back into photography, i'm getting back into writing, and i'm in love. life is pretty good. =)